The gulp

Life has been very mysterious in a lot of ways over the last decade or so. New friends, new places, new experiences galore. For a simple homebound girl like me, from a traditional South Indian family to get uprooted and live in the US of A way back 10 years ago was an exciting thing. Still is, in a weird way ;-)

I still remember the first time I took a flight, a 45 minute one to Coimbatore enroute to Ooty, the most sought after hill station in the whole of South. I was about 2 or so and my brother 10. The roar of the single engine plane was a little too much to my ears I was told, and I was howling all through, much to the chagrin of my brother, who threatened to deplane if I didn't shut up. His threat apparently didn't take effect, since we all landed up in Ooty :)

21 years later, I took a flight again.. this time one way though. Excitement, nervousness, unhappiness at leaving home was at its highest, while the self, was at the lowest ebb considering I was leaving home for good.  When I think about it now, I seem to sport an all knowing smile but then-- it quite was a different story. D-day came and my brave self was undeterred, even with the most cherished person, my Appa being pretty solemn and quiet for a change during the entire drive to the airport. Amma I knew was a rock, or atleast I thought so. 

The rusted taps gaurding my eye tank finally decided to turn when my brother hugged me and there it was -- the release, felt infinitely better. That was almost 10 years ago on a rather humid February night. Little did I realize then that, that probably was the best one way trip that I would ever take taking me to a land that I have come to love and friends who have become family far away from home.

I leave in less than 48 hours...

and the same old feeling pops up now and then excepting that the rusted tap doesn't turn that very often ;-)  The familiar ache still lurks somewhere though, deep down. The fact that I will get to see my family only maybe after a year or so considerably adds to that woe. More importantly,  I really dread missing out on all my nephews and niece who are growing up a little too fast to my liking :)

There was this little girl who used to hate to go to school, went on to attend college not bunking one single class ( what! really??), then moved continents striving to make a new home, bundling every single tiny cherished memory along the way, and ultimately came back home with an adorable year old tyke 6 weeks ago. The gulp still resurfaces at times, like this very moment. I suppose somethings will always stay no matter how much one changes. 

Life has literally come a full circle these last 6 weeks with constant chatter, flying toys, hugs, kisses and tickles of these kids running around and around the room with my toddler desperately trying to keep up. 

The lull and silence that follow in the weeks to come will be deafening but it is all too familiar and predictable, hashed and rehashed a little too often. And as for the tyke... he might wonder about the sudden silence and I will have to patiently pass onto him my worldly learnings on vacations, the ifs, buts and the lull after the storm in this case :) 

While the logical mind is already working out logistics for the next vacation, the greedy heart is just intent on going tick tock, tick tock. Is it going to be next year, or the year after that!?

 :=)